So it begins...

If I was to wait to have the perfect introduction to my blog, I would never begin.

So I begin as I intend to continue, authentically.

A lot of people that end up here have come from my FaceBook page. ~It’s not me it’s you~. 

I started it a few years ago, because I wanted to express my feelings, but I wanted to do it anonymously.

The name is a simple play on words, not a personal reality, because it is in fact often me 💁🏻‍♀️. However when starting my page I had had a few years worth of toxic experiences, that until I lived them, never knew they existed.  My page and this blog are definitely not from a place of bitterness and I’m not interested in outing people or retaliating for what I perceive as wrongs.  Yes I have had my fair share of shitshowisms, yet at the same time I also feel that I have had a blessed life. It’s only been the last few years, through working with a therapist, that I have actually allowed myself to acknowledge that there has been a lot of dysfunction and trauma in my life. Often the dysfunction we live, is our normal, so we don’t recognise it, and even when it’s pointed out, we tend to be, oh it wasn’t that bad. But in fact, it probably was.  In my plight to not be a victim, I actually punished myself further.

At first I just shared quotes that resonated with me on my page. Then I started to write my own quotes and share some of my feelings and experiences. I was surprised that so many people could relate. I remember being naïve to so many things - until I wasn’t - and what got me though those difficult times was knowledge. Knowledge that I gained from other peoples sharing of personal experiences. Once I started to discover others had not only experienced the same, but that there was actually psychology behind it all, it was a whole new world for me. That was of course once I was able to admit that I was in fact an actual victim. For some reason being a victim doesn’t sit well with me. I never wanted to be ‘that’ girl,  but somehow, accidentally I did become that girl. And therein was born my pseudonym - AccidentallyShe - my signature.  People often ask why I stay anonymous. Firstly my story, is only mine, so I wanted to write my truth, yet not unfairly out others, who have a different narrative. Secondly, I don’t want to be inhibited with my words. I want the freedom to speak of people and experiences without  implication. It’s not my intention to seek retribution. I write so openly in the hope that my words might point someone in the direction they need to start their healing journey. I can’t reiterate  enough  - knowledge is power.  As the page grew I expanded what I posted. There really isn’t any rhyme or reason, I just post what I feel. I do shy away from politics, religion and controversial topics. I’m not interested in using my forum as a platform for personal agendas. But every now and then I will share something that is, let’s say trending, not to be controversial, but because I feel strongly enough to weigh in, and that’s part of being authentic. I know when I do it, I am likely to get dragged, but being scared of the fall out shouldn’t dictate what I feel I need to say. And it’s never to sway anyone else’s view, it’s just keeping it real, and I genuinely like to hear others peoples take on things.

Being an arty person, creativity is my outlet, quotes are my lyrics. Often I will be journaling and what I have mentally been trying to articulate for hours, days, years, will flow from my pen. For me it’s a light bulb moment, finally being able to articulate a feeling that has needed to be acknowledged.  Often that realisation is enough for me to move forward. It’s about being heard, not necessarily being validated.

I’ve always thought that I have a book in me. Yet I find that thought a little arrogant, because really my struggles are not so relevant that they need a place in history. But what is relevant is the emotion, expression and connection, sharing often evokes.  So far the book has never come to fruition , I get a few pages in and I just think bla bla bla, get over yourself. So I shall start with a blog, unpack and dissect my quotes, and my experiences. Delve a little deeper, expand on my  words and also the consequent inspirations that come from my interactions with followers. Sometimes positive, sometimes negative, but always thought provoking.

I have studied counselling and have been fortunate to work in  a range of diverse settings.  However none of my experience prepared me for my own personal journey. If anything I became too emphatic where others were concerned and gave the compassion to them, that I should have given myself. So I don’t see myself as anymore qualified at getting it right than anyone else. Just because I have been in that field doesn’t make me any wiser. What it did teach me, was to listen and to completely walk in another’s shoes. Also to never ever assume that I know how I would act in their situations, because I can tell you, I didn’t act how I thought I would when put to the test. It wasn't my studies that taught me, but my experiences and willingness to take accountability for my parts. Because we all play a part. Life is always easier with hindsight, also knowing myself better as a person and being able to take personal accountability for what I actually allowed in my life and not playing the blame game was a game changer. But here’s the thing about healing, we aren’t always able to see our own flaws. Sometimes I listen to others and, it is so evident that they are causing some issues, they are clear as day, but they don’t  see it. They have given themselves a silver lining, built a narrative that allows them to be in denial about what they are actually contributing. This doesn’t make me judge them. It makes me think, shit am I guilty of that too. So I am mindful to constantly try and keep myself in check. I’m not gonna lie, that’s a full time job, because I’m a lot. But then again, maybe we are all a lot.

There are often things in life that we just can’t change, so we have to find ways to live our best life whilst navigating the constant obstacles of day to day life. I make no claims,

I’m no one special, just a gal with some things to say…