………….

I’d gone into that room so many times my steps had worn a path in the woollen pile.

This day was like any other. I entered, made my way to the heavy dark curtains, drew them and waited for my eyes to adjust to stream of light that stretched across the room.

I turned and made my way to the bed. The frail figure in his usual position, slightly propped up by pillows. His mother usually came in before I arrived, fed and bathed him, but never opened the curtains. He didn’t speak often but everyday when I drew the curtains, he said ‘thank you for the light’. I’d move to the bed, pull back the cover and go about my routine of moving his limbs and carrying out the exercises as the physician had instructed. This usually took an hour. I’d talk to him, some might say incessantly, but it felt like I was his only real connection to the outside world.

I was never really sure what ailed him, to me he just looked like a boy who needed to put his feet on the ground, feel the softness of the grass, the warmth of the sun, smell the scent of the rose garden and feel the afternoon breeze upon his face.

After the last exercise, I pulled up the bed sheets ensuring he kept warm. As I started to rise he clasped my wrist with unexpected strength. ‘Please don’t leave me here. I hate it, I hate them, I hate this life.’ He released my wrist and turned his head to the side so I wouldn’t see his tears. I’d never seen him display emotion before.

I didn’t know what to do, or say. I stood, only to hear him say ‘please’ in the most desperate strained little voice. My heart broke for him. I didn’t want you to leave him, but I knew she would be back soon. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and said in a not very convincing voice,” let me see what I can do to help”.  In a pleading voice he said “Promise”.

“Yes. Yes, I promise”.

I made my way to the curtains, closed them, and hurried from the room. Once outside I leaned against its closed door. What on earth had I just done. How could I have made such a bold promise and why did I feel like I was had to keep my promise…